


To Lead. To Follow.

by OneWhoSitsWithTurtles



Category: Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Biting, Blow Jobs, Canon Compliant, Difficult Decisions, Dom/sub Undertones, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, Hurt/Comfort, Hux slaps Ren once, Kissing, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Marking, Phasma lives (because I said so), Possessive Behavior, Post-Canon, Post-The Last Jedi, Spoilers, spoilers in tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-17 03:33:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13068231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneWhoSitsWithTurtles/pseuds/OneWhoSitsWithTurtles
Summary: *TLJ spoilers*At the end of The Last Jedi, Ren is in pieces and there's no one left to put him back together except Hux, who then realizes that maybe he's a little broken too. Together they must decide what to do with the pieces of themselves and find out how to evolve into a cohesive whole.





	To Lead. To Follow.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I can't believe how many story ideas TLJ gave me haha. This will be the last one I'm able to post for at least a week since I'm going away for Christmas and won't have internet, but more stories will follow (alongside the fics I've already posted in the past), so please feel free to subscribe if you want to know when I get more written :)

Hux shifted his weight from one foot to the other and looked again through the open door of the abandoned rebel base controls room. He could see Ren on his knees, head bowed with one hand held aloft in front of him. It was like Ren was frozen in time, not having moved from this position since entering the room nearly thirty minutes prior. Hux could tell the Storm Troopers stationed around the door, banished from entering the same way Hux had been, were uneasy and uncertain about the unpredictability of their new leadership. If Ren was so set on being the new Supreme Leader, there was a lot he would need to learn.

 

Eventually Hux lost his patience and, ignoring the dismissive wave Ren had given him earlier, Hux stepped into the small room in long strides. He stopped at Ren's side, standing above him and looking down at what held Ren's attention so completely. Encircled in the black leather of Ren's glove, Hux saw a pair of gold dice held together by a gold chain. It wasn't what he had been expecting to see at all and Hux didn't know how to make sense of their existence or thrall over Ren. They were gold, yes, but no larger than the sort of dice you would use in a casino and somewhat beaten up from age and use.

 

Suddenly Ren's head snapped up and Hux took a half-step back. It still hurt to swallow from when Ren had choked him earlier; he wasn't eager for more bruises. But Ren wasn't looking at him. Rather, Ren was staring straight ahead, eyes focused on something only he could see. Hux looked between Ren and the dusty wall he was staring at but before he could ask any questions Ren let out an angry snarl and dropped his head again. Silence enveloped them, disturbed only by spiralling dust motes and the _clink_ of the dice bumping together as Ren rolled them in his palm.

 

"The rebels have escaped," Ren stated roughly.

 

Understanding that Ren must've had a Force vision confirming this fact, Hux sighed. "Yes, well you've been kneeling here for a ridiculous amount of time already so I'm not surprised."

 

"You should have followed them!" Ren accused.

 

Hux's lips thinned with irritation. "You ordered us not to move away from the doorway. If you insist on trying to control everything then have care for the impact of your orders, _Supreme Leader_ ," he spat the title.

 

"You—!" A slap reverberated through the room and out into the hallway. Hux heard the Troopers shift uncomfortably. Ren cupped his reddened cheek with his free hand, eyes again on the dice which, much to Hux's shock, faded away into nothing before their eyes. Ren's gloved hand clenched into a fist on thin air and when he spoke his voice was broken. "Get out."

 

"I won't," Hux retorted. He massaged his own stinging palm, banking on a shaky sense of certainty that he was doing what had to be done.

 

Ren levelled Hux with a glare and Hux saw that his eyes were red-rimmed. "I said _get out_!"

 

The spark of fear that raced up Hux's spine was an instinctive response to Ren's furious expression and shout. Hux shrugged it off and steadied his stance. "I said I won't."

 

To Hux's surprise, instead of attacking Hux the way he had earlier, Ren placed both hands on the floor and bowed into what looked like a meditative position. Then a roar, primal and pained, ripped out of Ren's throat. A wave of Force energy was released at the same time, sending Hux stumbling to his knees and causing the room's door to slam closed. Ren's cry lasted until the air in his lungs was spent and then fell away into a sob. Hux could see the way Ren's shoulders shook as he cried, his tears no doubt dampening the dusty floor below his face.

 

For a long moment Hux did nothing, shocked at what he was witnessing and trying to decide what to do next. He had always known Ren was unstable but he had never been trusted to see Ren at his weakest. And despite his frustrations with Ren and what had occurred over the last few days, Hux knew now was not the time to give up. Ren wasn't the leader he thought he was but he was still important. The First Order needed him to be strong. Hux needed him to be okay.

 

Hesitantly Hux slid forward, remaining on his knees and ignoring the dust streaking his pant legs. When he was close enough Hux touched a hand to Ren's shoulder, which tensed at the contact. Ren didn't push him away though and so Hux steeled enough courage to rub what he hoped were comforting circles onto Ren's back. Ren's sobs quietened but continued to rack his body, his face still tucked near the floor. Hux let him cry for a few minutes and then reached down to touch Ren's face, feeling the heat Ren's cheek exuded from Hux's earlier slap.

 

At Hux's touch Ren turned his face further away. Gently but firmly Hux took hold of Ren's chin and lifted his face until their eyes met. He knew that teasing Ren for his breakdown would only alienate the broken man further so Hux didn't. Instead he lifted his hand to brush away the tears from Ren's cheeks, his other hand still on Ren's shoulder. Ren could easily break from Hux's loose embrace if he wanted to but he didn't. In fact, Hux felt the subtle shift of Ren leaning into Hux's touch, accepting the comfort willingly. Something warm took root in Hux's chest.

 

"What were those dice, Ren?" Hux asked quietly once Ren's breathing had somewhat returned to normal.

 

Ren licked his lips, eyes skirting to Hux and away multiple times. "They belonged to my father," Ren answered at last. "Though what I held was merely a Force projection of them. My uncle gave them to my mother to comfort her, and she left them for me to find and lose. She wanted to hurt me for what I've done. She's given up on me."

 

"Is that not what you've wanted?" Hux questioned carefully. "To have true separation from your old life?" Ren turned his face away without a response, but Hux felt a few fresh tears fall onto his fingers. "Why did they disappear like that?"

 

"My uncle has died, energies used up for this fight to delay us until the rebels escaped safely," Ren said. "And so his projection vanished. I felt him go, through the projection. He... was at peace."

 

When Hux turned Ren's face back towards him, he saw that Ren was frowning in confusion. Even now, despite everything, there was conflict within Ren about his family. They would need to talk further about it but this wasn't the place. "Ren, we need to leave. We have lost the day but the war continues." Ren nodded slowly and stood, Hux doing the same. "Stand tall," Hux told him a moment later when he saw how slouched Ren appeared, head hanging low. "Your troops need to see strength right now, even if you don't feel it."

 

Ren took a deep breath and squared his shoulders, head held high. "Let's go," he stated firmly and pulled the door open with the Force. Keeping pace, Hux and Ren walked side by side out of the rebel base and back towards their ships.

 

#

 

They flew Ren's command shuttle back to the _Finalizer_. Through the viewport of the shuttle Hux could see the splintered remains of Snoke's ship, which had led their assault on the Rebellion and fallen to ruin. Parts of the ship were still functional but it couldn't travel and it was beyond repair. One of the first jobs Hux would need to take on would be to collect a tally of the dead and put in orders for new staffing.  Phasma had sustained serious burns but was alive and being treated in medbay, and Mitaka was already back aboard the _Finalizer_ getting everything salvageable from Snoke's ship transferred over.

 

Before any other task, however, Hux had to ensure Ren wasn't going to self-destruct.

 

They were seen in the medbay and released quickly after getting patched up with some bacta gel and bandages where necessary. Hux was also given a liquid to drink twice a day until his throat healed. Hux was aware of Ren hovering nearby while the doctors read out and treated the injuries Hux had sustained – most of them from Ren himself – but neither of them said anything about it. Once they were both cleared to leave they walked down the hallway to their old rooms, which were located side by side. It felt reassuring to return to the familiar halls of the _Finalizer_ after being stuck on Snoke's ship.

 

They reached Hux's door first. When Ren tried to walk past him and continue down the hall, Hux caught Ren's elbow to pull him back. Ren didn't break the hold but he did look over Hux's face with a frown. "What do you want from me?"

 

Hux raised his eyebrow at the oddly worded question. Had Ren already forgotten his claim over a title ranking above Hux's own? "For now, I want you to come inside."

 

Ren's face pinched together at the suggestion. "I'd rather be alone."

 

Ren turned to go but Hux held firm to his arm. Again Ren didn't use his superior strength to pull away. "And yet you let me see you cry and brush away your tears." Ren had no retort and Hux sighed. "Ren, it's been an exhausting few days. I'm not looking for a fight. We just need to talk."

 

Ren wavered. Hux wondered how Ren could even function with so much conflict and uncertainty warring within him. At last Ren gave the slightest nod of consent and Hux led them both into his rooms. He raised the lighting to seventy percent and grabbed his datapad from the desk, ordering food to be delivered and sending a quick update to Mitaka that he was safely back on board. There was so much to be done but after supplies from Snoke's ship were transported over and a temporary skeleton crew was set up, Hux told Mitaka to rest. They would be safe where their ships drifted at least until the next day cycle.

 

Afterwards Hux set his datapad into the charger and walked to his closet to pull out a change of clothes. Ren had settled tiredly on the couch across the room and Hux could feel Ren's eyes on his injured back as Hux removed his torn and bloodied jacket and shirt to pull on a fresh white undershirt. He walked into the refresher next, barely out of sight when he swapped pants and socks, and then walking back out into the general living space as he swallowed down his first mouthful of medicine for his throat. His eyes clenched closed at the awful taste but he endured and finally dragged a chair from his dining table to sit in front of Ren.

 

"Are those all from me?" Ren wondered aloud. His eyes were transfixed on Hux's bruised throat, and had no doubt catalogued the marks on Hux's back from when Ren had thrown him against the wall of the shuttle.

 

"They are," Hux acknowledged. He wanted to raise a hand to cover the marks on his neck, feeling vulnerable, but wouldn't let himself. Hux sat forward on the chair, elbows on his thighs.

 

"Then how...?" Ren began and then trailed off. Hux saw that Ren's gloved fingers were clutching desperately at the fabric of his pants. "How could you make yourself console me after I did all that to you? I deserved punishment instead."

 

"I'm still furious at you, Ren. Don't doubt that," Hux stated. "But this is bigger than the two of us. And more importantly, we need each other now more than ever."

 

Ren scoffed and crossed his arms. "I don't need _anyone_ , least of all you." Hux blinked but otherwise didn't react, unfazed. Riled, Ren rushed to his feet, adopting a stance similar to the one he used when wielding his lightsaber although thankfully it remained untouched on Ren's hip. "You are weak," Ren accused darkly. "I could make you kneel. I could make you _beg_."

 

Hux's anger mounted and then was hushed internally. This was the routine they always followed, devolving into fights and never getting anywhere. If they wanted to succeed, it couldn't continue on like that and if Ren was incapable of breaking the cycle, Hux would need to be the one to do so. "Is that what you want?" Hux asked, eyes holding Ren's glare.

 

"I—what?" Ren leaned away, clearly taken aback.

 

" _What do you want_?" Hux put emphasis on each word, speaking slowly and clearly.

 

"I want..." Ren's voice failed him again, confusion knitting his eyebrows together. Seemingly without realizing what he was doing, Ren sat back down on the couch.

 

Hux pressed his advantage. "You wanted to be the strongest Force wielder. Congratulations, you killed Snoke and took his throne. You wanted Luke Skywalker dead. He's dead. Now what?" Ren started at him silently, his breathing a bit laboured. "Do you want to kill your mother, and that scavenger girl, and the Resistance because it was important to them? Fine. Despite today's setback we're still on the eve of victory. But stars, Ren, once you've accomplished all these petty revenge goals what comes next?"

 

"Well what are _you_ after?" Ren retorted sharply.

 

"You know what I want, Ren. I know you've read my mind before despite Snoke's orders not to," Hux said. "I want to bring the First Order to full power and lead the galaxy into a new, orderly existence; unity and cohesion across the star systems." The thought alone had Hux's heart racing with adrenaline.

 

"So why does it matter what _I_ want?" Ren demanded. "Because I'm in your way after taking the throne?"

 

Hux shook his head and sighed, worn out by Ren's confrontational nature. "Because I can't do it without you, Ren," he confessed. "And although it would save me some headaches if I did, I don't particularly _want_ to do it without you either." Hux still felt betrayed by Ren usurping the throne, and for attacking Hux the way he did, but it didn't change the fact that Ren had been the only constant in Hux's life for years. He was a companion and a confidante, however irritating he could become. Hux's vision of the future was vast and detailed, and seemed wholly incomplete without Ren at his side.

 

He could tell Ren didn't understand.

 

Exhausted, Hux leaned back in his chair and then winced when he felt the cuts and bruises on his back against the synthetic wood. "Forget it. Go back to your own room if you want but I'm going to bed." Hux stood stiffly, realizing now how injured he was. "Please refrain from destroying this ship in a rampage; it's the only one we have left at the moment."

 

Ren was still seated on the couch, watching him, struggling to comprehend his words. After one final backwards glance towards Ren, Hux grabbed his datapad and stepped into his bedroom. He left the door ajar and listened as Ren exited his rooms out into the hallway. Once Hux's quarters were silent he submitted a few orders into his datapad including cancelling the unneeded food request, and then dimmed the lights, grateful when his tired body won out over his whirling thoughts and he slipped off into a dreamless sleep.

 

#

 

For the next three days Hux didn't see any sign of Ren. Hux spent his time sleeping, eating, tending to his wounds and trying to get the _Finalizer_ back in order. There were First Order crew that had been rescued from Snoke's ship and needed beds and assignments, and many other vacant roles that left the _Finalizer's_ productivity lagging behind schedule. There were patches of ship hull that needed repair, new TIE fighters that needed to be built, and supplies to replenish. Hux handled it all. There was only one answer he didn't have for his crew:

 

"Where should I plot a course for, sir?" Mitaka asked him yet again.

 

"Hold position," Hux answered mechanically.

 

Hux spent an hour at Phasma's bedside, looking over the face of his sleeping Captain. Her blond hair was singed and her cheeks were pale. Hux couldn't see the details of what had been burned and replaced beneath the hospital bed but he had read the report. The doctors rotated her in and out of a bacta tank, speeding her healing when her body could handle it and letting her rest at other times. Hux found he missed her, knowing she would give him the dry, upfront advice he needed when it came to Ren, and he hoped she would recover and awaken soon.

 

Ren remained locked in his rooms and Hux didn't force entry. There was no point. If Ren couldn't even figure out how to answer Hux's question then there was no way he could truly act as Supreme Leader and lead the First Order to greatness. Soon Hux would be forced to pick up the pieces and continue forward alone. The problem wasn't that Ren was broken; it was that he refused the help to be put back together again.

 

#

 

Hux woke from sleep abruptly as his body noted a dip in his mattress. Muscle memory had Hux's hand under his pillow and pointing his pistol at the shadowy intruder before Hux had fully blinked the sleep from his eyes. His finger hovered over the trigger but the shadow didn't move. "Lights to maximum," Hux called to the automated system, cringing when his bedroom was quickly flooded with light. He found Ren at the end of his gun in black casual wear, eyes tired and lips turned down. Hux cursed and set his gun on the bedside table. "Kriff Ren, I nearly shot you."

 

"Would that have been a tragedy?" Ren muttered sadly.

 

Hux pursed his lips. Ren's self-deprecating talk wasn't unfamiliar to him but Hux had hoped Ren's grab for power was a sign that the habit was gone. "Well, I doubt the Resistance would think so."

 

"And what about you?" Ren asked.

 

"Me?" Hux replied. "You didn't care much about what I thought a few days ago. Why should it matter now?"

 

Ren's hand rested lightly on Hux's ankle, which was under the blanket near Ren's hip. Hux quickly remembered he was covered only by a blanket and underwear while Ren was fully dressed but Hux tried to quell his discomfort. Ren's touch was shy rather than aggressive. "Because I found an answer to your question," Ren told him.

 

Hux sat up more fully in bed. "What you want?" Ren nodded but said nothing further. After a minute Hux reached down to place his hand atop Ren's own. "Tell me."

 

Their eyes met. "You won't like it."

 

Hux steeled himself for the worst. "Tell me anyway."

 

Ren took a deep breath in, held it, and released it slowly. "I want peace."

 

"Peace," Hux repeated, thoughts scrambling to tease out the true meaning of Ren's carefully-chosen words. "If you wanted peace then why did you proclaim yourself the new leader of the First Order? I won't let you surrender on my behalf."

 

"I did it because I thought it would make me feel in control," Ren said. "As Supreme Leader I expected to feel safe. I would be above it all; unchallenged and untouchable. But I realize now that path leads only to misery."

 

Hux's jaw clenched as he tried to restrain his frustration. They had worked towards a shared goal for years and now suddenly Ren was changing his mind? "So we should just surrender to the Resistance because they definitely won't torture and kill us, right?" Hux snapped sarcastically. "I can't believe that you'd throw away everything we've done—"

 

"That's _not_ what I'm saying!" Ren cut him off. His grip on Hux's ankle tightened and Hux kicked him off when the pressure started to hurt. "You didn't ask me what I wanted tomorrow. You asked what I wanted at the end of everything."

 

"So tell me, what does peace look like to you?" Hux questioned sharply.

 

"It looks like _you_ , alright?" Ren shot back loudly.

 

Hux wasn't sure if it was Ren's volume or words that made his ears ring but Hux didn't know what to say. "I... _what_?"

 

A blush was creeping up Ren's neck, overtaking his cheeks and ears. "I knew you wouldn't understand," was all Ren said before he stood and bolted for the door.

 

Disoriented but needing answers, Hux pursued him. With Ren a few strides away from the main door that would let him escape out into the hallway, Hux swung his leg out and kicked Ren's feet from beneath him. Ren fell to the floor and Hux sat on top of him, holding Ren down with his weight and pinning Ren's hands above his head before Ren could flip their position. "You are not going anywhere until you explain yourself to me," Hux told him.

 

Ren struggled weakly in Hux's grasp but clearly wasn't desperate to break away since he didn't use the Force to dislodge Hux. Quickly Ren gave up and looked Hux over, which was when the blush on his skin darkened. "You're in your underwear."

 

"Very astute, Ren," Hux answered. "Yes, I'm in my underwear. I wasn't exactly expecting midnight guests to show up and speak gibberish to me."

 

"It's very distracting."

 

"Stop stalling."

 

Ren clenched his eyes closed. "Truthfully I didn't know what I wanted until we were in that controls room after the fight. And even then I needed to meditate for three days before I was willing to accept it." Ren slowly opened his eyes again, careful to keep his gaze trained on Hux's face and no lower. "You know my past, or at least most of it. Ever since I was young my family has been scared of me, fearing the dark within me. I caught my uncle trying to kill me for it as a boy." Hux saw Ren's throat constrict as he swallowed hard, eyes glassy as he was lost in the memory. "They never accepted me which just pushed me further to the Dark side."

 

"I didn't know all of that," Hux murmured, an apology in his tone. He was familiar enough with the feeling of being unwanted and cast out.

 

"Since I stopped Skywalker and fled, I have been on my own. Snoke whispered in my ear and I came to him but it wasn't long before I recognized that he saw me as a pawn to be moulded. Changed to suit his needs, the way my family tried to change me." Sitting atop Ren it was easy for Hux to notice when Ren's dark eyes began to fill with tears. Slowly Hux released his grip on Ren's wrists and as Ren blinked, lashes freeing his tears, Hux swept them away. Ren cleared his throat and continued. "The only time I have ever felt safe and accepted, like I truly belonged just as I am, was when you comforted me the other day. When you did this," Ren said as he caught Hux's hand and pressed it more firmly against his own cheek.

 

"I know you had your reasons," Ren continued on before Hux could figure out what to say. "And I fear they don't align with mine. But you asked and so this is my answer. I want that feeling again, and to share it with you."

 

Hux released a breath, the heaviness of Ren's words settling on his shoulders and heart. He had always cared for Ren, deep down; he wouldn't have been able to tolerate him all these years otherwise. Ren was stubborn, impulsive and emotional, but he was also strong, ambitious and passionate. On the planet far below them, just the two of them in that abandoned controls room, Hux had consoled Ren through his moment of heartbreak for the good of the First Order and those who needed to see strong leadership. But Hux would be lying to himself if he said his touches weren't gentler than necessary, or that he hadn't felt a warm satisfaction when Ren turned into his hand.

 

But Hux had never allowed himself to think of Ren beyond a companion in leadership. Is that what Ren was asking him to do now? "What exactly do you want from me, Ren?" Hux questioned softly.

 

Ren's eyes skipped from Hux's eyes down to his lips and back, which was answer enough, but Hux waited for Ren to respond. "Whatever you're willing to give."

 

Hux sat back slightly, not remembering when he had leaned in so close to Ren's face. Despite the seriousness of the conversation, Hux found himself chuckling. "Rather submissive words coming from the Supreme Leader," he teased, though he also brushed his thumb along Ren's cheekbone to show that his words held no vicious intent.

 

Ren's lips quirked up into an uncertain smile. "Honestly, as much as I chased power to feel that I could be safe and above it all, I also sought it to earn your admiration. I knew you would never fall for an average person."

 

"You want me to fall for you?" Hux echoed Ren's words and laughed again when Ren blushed.

 

"I want to belong." Ren's voice wavered. "By your side, if you'll have me."

 

There was so much to think about and they spoke about such heavy, important topics. Hux didn't want to rush his answer, but he also didn't want to reject Ren outright. "Would you like to come to bed with me?" he asked. Immediately Ren tensed up beneath him and bit his lip nervously. "To sleep," Hux clarified quickly, not missing Ren's sag of disappointment. "You've been honest with me so you deserve an honest answer in return, but I'm too tired to ask the questions I feel will come to me in the morning. I'll understand if you want to be alone until I answer though." He didn't want to lead Ren on or give him false hope.

 

"Let's sleep," Ren agreed after a moment, tentative as he rested his hands on Hux's knees which framed his waist.

 

Hux nodded and pulled away after a moment, standing and stretching out his sore body. Ren stood too and hovered, following when Hux led them back into the bedroom. Hux dimmed the lights and settled under the blankets, rolling his eyes a moment later when Ren lay down like a mannequin. He considered asking if Ren had ever done this before but embarrassment was not his goal. Instead Hux laced their fingers together and rolled over, manoeuvring them into a loose spooning position. Without prompting Ren tightened his embrace around Hux's middle and tucked his face against the back of Hux's neck, breathing deeply.

 

It felt so comfortable and warm, like being cocooned, that Hux drifted off almost immediately.

 

#

 

The following morning Hux woke slowly. They were still in the same position they had fallen asleep in the night before, though Ren's arm was slack and his breathing was slow and even. Mitaka would be looking for Hux in a few hours but Hux didn't want to rush away from this. Instead he used the time drifting between dozing and contemplation, thinking over his options and everything Ren had said last night. In the end it came down to a few simple facts.

 

Ren was deprived of affection and acceptance, and unknowingly Hux was the first person to give that to Ren unconditionally.

 

To some extent Ren had always sought Hux's approval and now Hux's comforting gestures had encouraged Ren to seek more.

 

And regardless of what path Ren chose, he wanted Hux there with him at the end of it all.

 

By the time Ren woke up, Hux knew the questions he had to ask in order to make his decision. He allowed Ren to drift out of sleep unhurriedly and enjoyed without shame the sensation of Ren nuzzling the back of his neck. Ren's shyness returned when he was fully awake and he pulled his arm away to sit up against the headboard. Hux sat up as well and crossed his legs, though he kept the blanket tucked around him for modesty and to keep warm. After raising the room's lighting Hux tried to get his thoughts in order for the challenging conversation ahead.

 

"There are a few things I need to clarify first," Hux began. Ren nodded, eyes open and honest. "Does this mean you've abandoned the path we've been on together?" Hux asked the question that scared him the most. He was intrigued by Ren's interest but he didn't know how he could reconcile conflicting goals. "We've hunted down the Resistance to the pitiful rabble remaining. Your father, your uncle and Snoke are all dead and the rest of the galaxy is backed into a corner at our feet but you talk of peace. Do you expect me to relinquish my own goals?"

 

"I do not presume to control you or make your choices," Ren said. "What I did to you in the throne room—" Ren looked away, jaw clenched. After a moment he exhaled heavily and looked back to Hux. "That will never happen again. If anyone is to lead, we all know it is to be you rather than me. I realize now that leading isn't just about who is strongest. It requires vision, perseverance and also knowledge. I am stronger than you but I could never make you kneel. _You_ are the one who has kept this ship running the last few days while I locked myself away. _You_ are the one who inspires people to fight for you, as you have inspired me."

 

"You are very generous with your compliments," Hux commented, not knowing what else to say.

 

"You know the words are truth rather than flattery, and that too is why you can lead," Ren replied. "I have chosen to align myself to you for the way you have treated me and what I hope to share with you. That means if you wish to continue this war, I will follow you. I will fight at your side as you win your throne in the galaxy, and I will give up my desire for an enduring peace in exchange for the time I can spend with you along the way. It is the closest I will come to happiness."

 

There was an ache gnawing within Hux's chest that he couldn't fully explain. "If we win control of the galaxy then there will be peace for us," he stated firmly.

 

"Hux, you are no fool," Ren reminded him. "We both know that sustaining an empire offers only an illusion of peace. There will be threats and rebellions to manage and even if the empire is maintained for years it will one day fall. It is the way of things. The only constant we can rely on is the inevitability of change."

 

Hux's fingers clutched at the blankets, anger mounting at Ren's flippant description of the rise and fall of Hux's supposed empire. "You're wrong."

 

Ren seemed unfazed by the sharpness of Hux's words. "Then tell me, when you sit atop your throne with golden laurels in your sunset hair, will you be happy?"

 

Hux pursed his lips. "I will be satisfied."

 

"But alone."

 

The ache in Hux's chest clenched, making it hard to breathe. "You'll be there," Hux insisted, though his voice was weak and it wavered with uncertainty.

 

Ren shook his head, eyes sad. "I will not last. The Force always maintains balance; I've learned that now. As I grow stronger at your side, Rey will grow stronger with the Light to match me. Even if I best her another will rise until I am dead and balance is restored. It will be... unavoidable."

 

Hux's vision of the future, so detailed and certain for decades, splintered.

 

"So you're telling me," Hux spoke past the lump in his throat, "that if I pursue my goal to become emperor, you will give up everything to fight... and die for me. That I will be successful but the cost will be your life." Ren inclined his head slightly to confirm Hux's words. "And what other choice do I have?" Hux snarled. "Retreat to some stars-forsaken planet to die of boredom?" A quiet snort escaped Ren and Hux's eyes narrowed. "This is no laughing matter!"

 

Ren sobered immediately and slowly shuffled closer to Hux on the bed. "It's not," Ren agreed. "But stars, Hux, can a man of your intelligence and imagination not think of anything else you would find interesting and fulfilling?"

 

Hux opened his mouth to respond but the words died in his throat when Ren's hand rose to cup his cheek. Ren's skin was so warm, his hand large and comforting. It was so easy to turn his face into it and as Hux did so, he felt tears brimming in his eyes. They were beyond embarrassment or judgement now though, so Hux clenched his eyes closed and set his tears free down his cheeks. "I've fought for this for so long, Ren," Hux whispered. "Ever since I was a boy, wanting to prove to my father that I could be more than he believed, I decided I would be emperor one day."

 

"I understand," Ren's voice was hushed, soothing in a way Hux hadn't known Ren could be. "When I was young I wanted to prove my family wrong about their fears." Ren's voice hardened. "Then instead I decided I would prove them right but make them regret it. Now I've discovered it is infinitely more freeing to simply decide for myself what I want to do."

 

"But to admit defeat—"

 

Hux was silenced by Ren's lips pressing against his own. It was a chaste kiss, meant as a comfort rather than anything sexual. Hux melted into it immediately, hands on Ren's shoulders to keep him close. Despite being so new and unexpected, the kiss and Ren's embrace felt natural and significant. When they broke apart Hux found he was half in Ren's lap, their arms around one another as they shared the same air.

 

"Is it admitting defeat when you choose for yourself a new path when you realize it will make you happier?" Ren posed the question to Hux. "To me that sounds like strength, to break free of habit and chase something new."

 

"I still don't understand why you'd be so willing to give up everything for me, if that's the path I chose," Hux admitted, searching Ren's dark eyes for an answer. He needed to understand Ren's loyalty and affection before he could accept it.

 

"You think of me as a broken man. I am," Ren stated, holding Hux's gaze. "And you are the only one I'd trust with the pieces."

 

The words were too sweet, sincere and honest to be ignored.

 

Hux could continue forward on the path he knew. There was no doubt in his mind that they would eventually triumph over the Resistance and Hux would have his throne, especially with Ren fighting for him. But for what? Hux's father was somewhere in the Outer Rim, as miserable and hateful as always. Even if Hux became emperor his father would always expect more. It would never be enough and someday Hux would meet his end realizing he had spent his whole life – and squandered Ren's life – fighting to achieve something for a man he hated.

 

Alternatively they could just... leave. Take what they needed in Ren's shuttle, trade it in for an unrecognizable ship, and disappear. Find a planet they liked and settle in. Hux could design weapons and sell them to those hungry for endless war, or he could start a trade empire or anything else. The possibilities for two men like Hux and Ren were endless. The important detail was that they could choose their path and traverse it side by side. Hux didn't know the map of Ren or how his pieces fit back together again, but maybe if Hux shared a few pieces of himself it would all slot together and finally the two of them could feel complete.

 

"You know..." Hux weathered his bottom lip, Ren's eyes tracing the movement. "I imagine sitting on a throne would get quite dull after a while."

 

It took a second for his words, and their meaning, to sink in but when they did, Ren's face was split by a grin. Hux had known this man for years and never seen such unadulterated joy from him. In that moment Hux fell a tiny bit in love, with the pureness of Ren's emotions and the fact that Hux could so easily bring Ren happiness when nothing else in his life had done so. Ren leaned in close, their foreheads pressed together and their noses nearly brushing. Ren was still smiling and Hux couldn't stop his own returning smile. "Hux, may I kiss you?" Ren requested.

 

Hux became aware of Ren's hands as they reached down and held his waist. Hux knew the kiss Ren was asking for was more than the first one they had shared, and would lead to a change in their relationship neither of them could take back. Without hesitation Hux wrapped his arms tightly around Ren and dug his fingers into Ren's hair. "You'd better," Hux whispered against Ren's lips, both of them falling into the kiss at once.

 

It started the same way as the last with the gentle weight of Ren's larger lips covering Hux's own. One of Ren's hands left Hux's waist to instead hold his neck, thumb on Hux's jaw and tilting Hux's face to deepen the kiss. As their lips locked Hux shivered in Ren's embrace; something unnamed but vital finding absolution within his soul. Hux reeled Ren in closer and brushed his tongue along Ren's bottom lip, startling a moan out of Ren that Hux could listen to all day. When Ren's lips parted Hux took the invitation and brushed his tongue into Ren's mouth, relishing in Ren's echoing shiver.

 

The kiss continued and Hux felt his body growing flushed, arousal spreading through his veins. That heat intensified and pooled in his gut when Ren pulled Hux fully into his lap and then leaned backwards, ending with Ren on his back and Hux above him. "I guess you really were distracted by our position last night," Hux chuckled as he grabbed the hem of Ren's shirt and pulled it up and over his head. Once the shirt was gone Hux's eyes were drawn to Ren's muscular, broad chest, something akin to magnetism drawing Hux's hands to explore Ren's skin.

 

"Haven't stopped thinking about it," Ren admitted. Again he reached down, gripping Hux's hips and pushing him back just enough for Hux to feel Ren's growing erection against his clothed ass. Hux's breath caught in his throat and he rocked back on his own volition, feeling Ren harden in his pants at the stimulation.

 

Hux shuffled off Ren just long enough to remove Ren's pants, throw away his own underwear, and grab what they would need from his bedside table. He saw Ren's eyes widen as they took in the condom and lube and Hux hesitated. "Too presumptuous of me?" he wondered aloud.

 

Ren shook his head immediately, pupils dilating as he licked his lips. "Not at all. I want this too."

 

Slowly Hux crawled above Ren's sprawled and naked body, settling his weight on top of Ren's erection so he could grind against it teasingly. "Tell me exactly what you want."

 

"You, inside me," Ren choked out before he moaned, hands squeezing Hux's spread thighs as they tried and failed to speed Hux's pace. "I want you to take me apart."

 

"I will take you apart and put you back together again," Hux promised, rocking his ass against Ren harder. "But understand that at the end of it all you will be mine."

 

"As you will be mine," Ren replied, face flushed and smile so utterly beautiful.

 

"Yes," Hux smiled in reply and leaned down to seal their lips together.

 

Ren returned the kiss eagerly, their lips locking and then opening as one, their tongues sharing a caress in the middle. Hux was already fully hard where his cock rubbed against Ren's taut abdomen, Ren rutting against his ass with needy thrusts. Hux laced his fingers with Ren's own and pinned his hands to the mattress, loving the thrill he felt when Ren let him. It wasn't about power, or control. It was about trust. Hux kissed Ren as softly and warmly as he could, hoping he could convey this and knowing he had succeeded when a hum rumbled through Ren's chest below him.

 

Eventually Hux knew he had to pull away or they'd both finish like virgins against the other's skin. With regret Hux separated their lips and reached for the lube, wavering only when Ren gave a disgruntled noise at the kiss being ended. Hux kissed his cheek in apology and then began moving to relocate between Ren's legs. He paused and looked up when Ren grasped his wrist to draw his attention. "I have an idea," Ren offered.

 

Curious, Hux allowed Ren to manoeuvre him until he was again above Ren's body but this time on his hands and knees with Hux's mouth near Ren's cock and vice versa. Before Hux had even fully adjusted to the position a startled gasp escaped him as Ren wrapped a hand around Hux's base and took Hux into his mouth. Ren's lips were sinful, as was his tongue and mouth, all of which were wet and burning with heat as Ren lapped at Hux's tip and then swallowed him down. "Kriff, Ren," Hux pressed his face against Ren's thigh and panted, pleasure coursing through him like electricity.

 

It took a few solid minutes before Hux remembered he was supposed to be opening Ren up. Attempting to shake off his stupor, Hux grabbed the lube and coated two fingers. Ren continued to suck on his cock as Hux massaged lube against Ren's hole and as Hux's first finger slid inside Ren moaned around his mouthful. Hux cursed again, cock throbbing. "If you're not careful I won't be able to fuck you," Hux warned, thoroughly out of breath.

 

To Hux's combined relief and disappointment, Ren removed his mouth from Hux's cock. Hux returned his attention to sliding his finger in and out of Ren's ass, twisting it to coat Ren with as much lube as possible. Ren was already rocking down on his finger so Hux didn't wait long before pushing a second in alongside the first, using a slow but steady pressure until Ren's body loosened around him. Ren groaned and shifted his hips upward, silently begging for more. At the same time Ren's hand started to stroke Hux lazily while his mouth kissed and sucked marks onto Hux's inner thighs. Hux could feel his legs begin to tremble and it was Ren who kept him from falling.

 

Hux continued to thrust two fingers into Ren repeatedly and spread his fingers wide to stretch Ren further. Ren's eagerness made it easy, the muscles of his ass pliant and willing. Wanting to return the pleasure Ren had given him, Hux circled his clean hand around Ren's cock and wrapped his lips around it. Instantly Ren bucked up beneath him at the sensation and Hux could taste the salty precome at Ren's tip, betraying how riled up he was. Encouraged, Hux took another inch of Ren's length into his mouth in time with his fingers pressing in deep and curling upward to rub against Ren's prostate.

 

"Hux, please," Ren whined, fingertips squeezing Hux's legs tightly enough to bruise. "I can't— I can't last like that." Ren's desperation was obvious between each panted breath and, wanting them both to finish while Hux was inside Ren, Hux relented. He pulled his mouth off Ren's cock with a wet noise and withdrew his fingers, wiping the excess lube onto the sheets.

 

Hux left Ren on his back and turned over so that they were face to face once again. He settled between Ren's spread legs and massaged his hands across Ren's thighs, feeling the hard muscle there. His own thighs were aching from Ren's marks but it just turned Hux on more, his cock hard and curved up against his stomach. "You're sure two fingers were enough?" he asked as he grabbed the condom wrapper and ripped it open.

 

"I'm sure," Ren said. "I just need you inside me."

 

"Patience," Hux told him, and chuckled a moment later when Ren growled. Hux was eager too and he didn't try to hide it. Having a man like Kylo Ren beneath him, begging to be filled, was a heady experience; one Hux planned to repeat in the future.

 

Hux rolled on the condom and got more lube to spread over himself and Ren's hole. Then Hux moved closer and lifted Ren's legs, hooking them onto his hips to spread Ren open wider and lift his pelvis. Hux kept one hand on Ren's hip and used his other hand to line himself up, the head of his cock nudging against Ren. A few shallow thrusts had Hux's cock pressing deeper against the natural resistance of Ren's body until at last with a large exhale Ren fully relaxed and Hux slipped inside. They moaned in unison at the overwhelming sensation as Hux slid the rest of the way in, pausing only when his balls were against Ren's ass.

 

There they froze, eyes upon one another as they fought for breath and control, not wanting it to be over too quickly. Only when Hux was certain he wouldn't spill immediately did he pull out and thrust back in, beginning a steady and deep rhythm. Hux placed one hand on Ren's abdomen and hooked one of Ren's legs on his opposite forearm, forcing him into an open and vulnerable position. Ren merely groaned and arched down to meet Hux's next thrust, deepening the movement to hit his prostate again. Each hit to his prostate sent a quiver through Ren's body, which clenched around Hux's cock rhythmically. It spurred Hux on to put more force behind his thrusts until they were rocking against the mattress in unison, overtaken by the feeling that they were two parts of a whole finally united.

 

They were both sweaty and out of breath when Hux's movements began to falter. His arm dropped Ren's leg and Hux fell forward onto his forearms, their chests inches apart. Hux thrust himself fully into Ren and then started to grind against him, reaching down to fist Ren in one hand. They were too winded to kiss so instead Hux sealed his lips on Ren's neck where he could feel Ren's pulse stuttering in ecstasy and sucked hard. Ren cried out and wrapped one arm around Hux's lower back, his other hand held to the back of Hux's neck, which Hux took as a plea for him to continue what he was doing.

 

After a few more thrusts Hux bit into Ren's skin teasingly and in a blink Ren unravelled at the seams. Hux felt the spasm that shook through Ren as he bucked up and moaned in Hux's ear, his cock spilling hot sticky come across Hux's fingers and onto Ren's stomach.  The clenching of Ren's hole around him dragged Hux's orgasm out of him seconds later, Hux moaning Ren's name on his next shaky exhale. Hux's hips twitched forward a few times as he came, Hux silently wishing he could bury his seed directly in Ren's ass.

 

When he was fully spent Hux collapsed on top of Ren, uncaring of the sweat and come smearing across his skin. They would shower later. For now Hux recovered, rising and falling with Ren's breathing. It was surprisingly comforting and when Ren hugged him closer Hux leaned into it. Only when his cock had fully softened and he slipped out of Ren's body did Hux force himself to get up, tying off the condom and grabbing a towel from the refresher to wipe them clean.

 

"I think I need to sleep more after that," Ren smirked as he lethargically moved to lie on his side and place his head on a pillow by the headboard.

 

Hux chuckled in agreement, though his smile faltered when he saw how dark he had accidentally made the bruise on Ren's neck. "Does it hurt?" he asked worriedly as he lay down facing Ren, both of them close enough for their knees to bump together.

 

"It aches but I like it," Ren answered as he reached forward and rolled Hux onto his other side, slotting himself against Hux's back afterwards. "It's a claim, like my marks on your thighs. Yours is just... more visible." Ren brushed away Hux's next worried question by spooning him and warmly kissing the back of his neck.

 

Nothing more needed to be said and Hux settled willingly into Ren's embrace, calling for the lights to be dimmed once more.  This was not where he expected to end up, though if it was ever going to happen with anyone Hux knew it would be with Ren. They were both similar and not, but trusted one another the way they trusted no one else. And that was why Hux knew, even though forging a new path would be daunting and unnerving, it would also be exciting and fulfilling. And he truly believed that by aligning his path with Ren's, both of them giving up on their narrow-minded goals driven by hurtful pasts to seek a better future, they would find happiness together.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on: [Tumblr](http://onewhositswiththeturtles.tumblr.com/), [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/onewhositswiththeturtles), or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/owswtt)


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